Where Were You in ’82?
by dlucas114
Everyone loves nostalgia, despite the fact that it’s a dubious use of one’s time (at best). Whether it’s your parents grousing about how kids have it easy these days or that they grew up in a kinder, gentler world, or just you, sitting on the couch in your jammies, watching reruns of I Love the 80s or having geek-gasms as you read Ernest Cline’s Ready Player One, I think it’s safe to say that we’ve all nestled into our inner Wayback Machines and enjoyed a leisurely excursion back to Yesterland.
Thus, in the interest of freely indulging in this very dubious pasttime, I’d like to jump back an even thirty years and examine what just might have been the coolest year ever to be a little geek: 19-freakin’-82.
In 1982, I was seven years old, finishing first grade, starting second. My brother was 12, and I liked hanging with him and his friends way more than I did kids my own age (Bryan didn’t really dig my lamprey-like close proximity, but he didn’t really have a choice, either; I stuck like glue). I was already well on my way to proud geekdom, having been conversant in Star Wars since I was old enough to walk and talk. In 1982, I—like every other kid I knew—was wondering just what the hell was going to happen when Revenge of the Jedi (the original title of Star Wars Episode VI) arrived in movie theaters in May of ’83, and I was still reeling from the awesomeness that was Raiders of the Lost Ark, released the previous summer.
But Star Wars and Raiders were just my foundations. Onto that imaginary bedrock, I piled a parade of comic book superheroes, fantasy and sci fi films and TV shows, obsessions with various monsters of the moment, and music to daydream by ranging from John Williams’ film scores to larger-than-life metal fare by Kiss, AC/DC, and Iron Maiden. Little did I know my fertile little imagination was about to hit a motherlode. 1982 would serve up a heaping helping of steaming geek-erocity that would leave a mark on me for life.
In March of ‘82, we were all torn to shreds by the arrival of Iron Maiden’s seminal metal masterpiece, Number of the Beast. Before summer was out, Ozzy Osborne would be assumed to be (so far as our parents were considered) the Devil Incarnate after biting the head off a bat during a concert in Des Moines, Iowa, then pissing on the Alamo while in San Antonio, Texas. Before the year was out, we’d all know the lyrics to “Eye of the Tiger” front to back (along with every line spoken by Mr. T in Rocky III), see the debut of some nutty Detroit dame named Madonna (a passing fad—we knew she’d never last), and get a little album by Michael Jackson called Thriller issued to us as standard household accoutrement, like a telephone or a vacuum cleaner. On the radio: seminal 80s singles like “I Love Rock n’ Roll” by Joan Jett and the Blackhearts, “Don’t Stop Believin” by Journey and “I Ran (So Far Away)” by Flock of Seagulls.
A lot of us (including my family) still didn’t have cable TV, and counted ourselves lucky if we had a friend who did. Barring that handy little switch-box, your televised entertainment choices usually consisted of three networks, one local PBS station, and one local ‘independent’ (which is where I found, and devoured, Saturday afternoon showings of Planet of the Apes, as well as endless reruns of The Lone Ranger and Daniel Boone). If you were really lucky, you might have a second independent that broadcast even weirder stuff than the first independent. In 1982, we lost The Incredible Hulk, In Search Of…, and Mork & Mindy, but we got T. J. Hooker, Tales of the Gold Monkey, and Knight Rider in trade. Saturday morning cartoons—Thundarr the Barbarian, The Smurfs, Superfriends, Blackstar, The Lone Ranger/Zorro Adventure Hour—were still interspersed with School House Rock clips—and most tantalizingly, with commercials for a toy-and-comic resurgence of everybody’s favorite action figure: G. I. Joe.
That’s right, 1982 was the year of G. I. Joe: A Real American Hero. The high-octane, animated commercials were repeated ad infinitum during Saturday Morning cartoons and had roughly the same effect on little Reaganomic America boys that fresh crack flakes have on a coke fiend just out of the county clink. The comic (if you could lay hands on the damn thing—it flew off the spin-racks at the local 7-11) told manly-man tales of covert ops and counter terrorism, while the toys themselves not only provided you with bio cards for each of the characters, they also told you exactly what sort of weapon the action figure came with. Many a gun fetish in my generation was probably born of a big, bad collection of G. I. Joe figures and paraphernalia.
That was also the year that the Masters of the Universe toyline debuted. Before ever there was a vaguely-homoerotic animated incarnation of He-Man, his dopy sidekick Orko, and a very whiny, very accident-prone Skeletor, we had an action figure franchise full of otherworldly heroes and villains sporting more muscle definition than a Boris Vallejo painting and more straps, gauntlets, swords and axes than your average Ace Paperback cover by Frank Frazetta. Adding to He-Man’s mystique was the fact that—unlike G. I. Joe—the world that He-Man and company inhabited seemed far more mysterious, far less fleshed out (at least until that damn cartoon came along). Consequently, an imaginative kid left alone in his room with his Masters of the Universe figures could build just about any mythology he wanted around those muscular, mysterious mannequins.
Being a little geek-in-training, mythology was a major concern of mine at the time. Not just the toy-world mythologies of G. I. Joe comics or Masters of the Universe toys—but also historical mythologies like those of the ancient Greeks (inspired by Clash of the Titans) and Arthurian legend (inspired by Excalibur), and fictional mythologies such as those undergirding seminal fantasy like The Hobbit and Lord of the Rings, or Robert E. Howard’s Conan stories. This childhood fascination with mythology—remote worlds populated by heroes, gods, demigods and monsters—was further enriched (and enabled) by a little tabletop game known as Dungeons & Dragons—which, in 1982, was at the height of its popularity (and infamy).
For those of you not in the know, Dungeons & Dragons was (and remains) a role-playing game wherein players act out the roles of fictional characters in the context of a quest or adventure (known as ‘campaigns’ in gamer-speak). It’s essentially make-believe, with rules; or, put another way, a kind of cooperative storytelling, where one person plays the role of narrator—the all-powerful, game-guiding Dungeon Master—while the other players adopt character roles and make important decisions at crucial moments in the narrative. If (for instance) your adventuring party comes across the gaping, ruined entrance to an underground crypt, do you delve in, or do you carry on through the forest above? If you go in, who goes first? And if the person who goes first springs a trap or finds themselves face to face with a monster, what do they do? Thus, a meandering tale unfolds, in which the Dungeon Master imparts the lay of the land, the players tell the Dungeon Master what their characters choose to do, and dice-rolls and percentile tables decide whether the actions taken are stunning successes or crushing (maybe even fatal) failures. Some people played out their adventures life-size, in real time, wearing costumes and cavorting about in various surroundings, from empty woods to unused school gymnasiums. This underground LARPing (live action role playing—a modern term but applicable here) and D&D’s alleged reality-shattering, Satan-worship-inspiring hold on America’s children and teens inspired a 1982 made-for-TV movie called Mazes & Monsters, starring the still-marginal Tom Hanks. Parental hysteria aside, most players kept things a little more grounded, eschewing the LARPing route in favor of reeling out their campaigns around kitchen or dining room tables, ingesting copious amounts of two-for-one pizza, Grape soda, and Chee-tos.
The dining room table in our house is where my big brother, Bryan, and his two best friends, Donald and Mike, did their campaigning (taking breaks between D&D for rounds of Risk, Stratego or Dark Tower). Usually, I circled the table like a buzzard in search of roadkill, annoying the shit out of them until they let me create a character and play with them. Remember that scene in E.T. where Elliot keeps bugging Mike and his friends as they play a game at the kitchen table? Yeah, that was me. That scene could’ve easily been shot in our dining room. If they relented and let me in the game, they would usually kill me quickly (I was, conveniently, often the first into strange chambers or dark crypts). With my character speared by a Bugbear or dissolved by a Black Dragon’s acid breath, I would proceed to cry like a little girl and accuse them of doing it on purpose. Sure, they probably did, and I should’ve learned to just leave them alone… but come on! What precocious, annoying little brother wouldn’t rather play D&D with big brother and his buddies instead of crashing Matchbox cars with the dopey kid down the street who smelled like beef vegetable soup? Despite my brother’s best attempts at chasing me away, though, I kept coming back, because D&D was magical. It opened the door on all the stuff I might be doing alone in my room—creating characters, sending them on adventures, telling myself stories—but the collaborative group dynamic coupled with the logic matrix provided by the percentile tables and the rolling dice seemed to elevate simple make believe to something far more concrete… for more realistic and believable. I probably learned one of the great lessons of my life as a writer (especially a writer of the fantastic) at that dining room table: for the fantastical to be believed, there must be rules, and those rules must be adhered to.
But running through my memories of 1982, binding all the other disparate elements together like cable round a furled sail, were the movies. I didn’t realize it at the time, but 1982 was an absolutely insane year for geek cinema, chock full of films that made an impact on me at the time, or later, when I was finally old enough for my mom to let me watch them (gimme a break—we didn’t have cable or a VCR).
Although released stateside in December 1981, The Road Warrior effectively kicked off 1982, a bugnuts post-apocalyptic western where tricked-out S&M hot rods replaced horses and Mel Gibson killed freakin’ everything, including crossbow-wielding dudes with mohawks and assless chaps. Along with The Road Warrior came 48 Hours (the first buddy cop movie and Eddie Murphy’s screen debut), Blade Runner (a flop upon release, now recognized as a classic), Cat People (Kinsky, Kink, and David Bowie!), Conan the Barbarian (still one of my all-time favorites, and the only grown up fantasy film until the Lord of the Rings trilogy came along), Conan’s agreeable but retarded cousins, The Beastmaster and The Sword and the Sorcerer, Stephen King’s and George Romero’s awesome horror comic anthology Creepshow, Jim Henson’s decidely un-Muppety trip-fest The Dark Crystal, the seminal Fast Times at Ridgemont High, Firefox, First Blood (which introduced us to an ass-kicking PTSD-afflicted Vietnam vet named John Rambo), Friday the 13th Part III (in 3-D!), Halloween III: Season of the Witch (which had nothing to do with Halloween I and II but made up for it with exploding heads), Megaforce (flying freakin’ motorcycles!), Poltergeist (because even sunny suburbs can have haunted houses), Rocky III (Eye of the tiger, Rock!), The Secret of NIMH, Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khaaaaaaan, Swamp Thing, Tron (if only we knew how much CGI we’d have to put up with just a couple decades hence…), John Carpenter’s completely awesome remake of The Thing, and a little movie that came and went not with a bang, but a whimper: E.T. The Extra Terrestrial. Perhaps you’ve heard of it?
Yeah. Seriously. That was 1982 at the movies. I defy you to name another year when so many glorious, memorable, seminal, and just plain entertaining genre films graced multiplexes in this country. I loved every one of the movies listed above when I was a kid; I love at least a dozen of them still. Conan the Barbarian and The Thing remain two of my all-time favorites.
And this year, the movies listed above… the height of Dungeons & Dragons’ fame and infamy… the music… the toys… they’re all thirty goddamn years old. All these pieces of me, that I remember with such clarity and fondness, that seem like they were just yesterday… they’re nowhere near yesterday. They all came and went a really, really long time ago. And that just makes me feel old.
At least until I play Basil Poledouris’s brassy Conan score again. Then, I remember what is best in life… (which, if you didn’t know, is crushing your enemies, seeing them driven before you, and hearing the lamentation of their women. I can’t believe I had to tell you that…)
So, that’s where I was thirty years ago. That’s what 1982 meant to me. You’ve been gracious and frightfully indulgent as I took my gleeful wallow in memory’s slop trough, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Now it’s your turn.
Where were you in ’82?
Bravo! What a year…
30 years has gone so fast and yes it has had a large impact on me too. It was the year I graduated from high school. Many of the movies and things you mention take me right back to there and getting my license and all the things. Best stop now, like your opening says!
Great post, congrats on being freshly pressed.
I got my driver’s license in ’82. It’s so funny, I just did a retro/fast forward post yesterday. Your rememberances are great. What I think would be much like those of my little brother. Very cool! Oh, my parents didn’t get cable until after I moved out. I never got “My MTV” : )
I wasnt created yet in 1982! 😛
Man, you missed it!
was ’86 just as awesome a year???
Actually, ’86 WAS an awesome year. I remember ALIENS and NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET 3: DREAM WARRIORS came out that year, and I was nuts about both (and still think ALIENS is the best movie James Cameron ever made). So, yeah… ’86 could contend.
I was right there with you pal…for the most part.
I think we differ the most in that I was not a metal-head, but more of a video game geek.
I loved D & D, but being a dungeon master was a mystery to my 7 year old mind. I still remember my character, how he had these gloves with knives almost like Freddy Kruger, except I could launch them off my hands around my foe’s neck. The more my enemy tried to remove the gloves, the tighter the grip got. I also remember when my awesome character fell into a pit of acid with spikes, and it died. Despite the divorce of my parents, I considered this, and when my mother cracked my x-wing fighter on the kitchen table, one of the greatest disappointments in my childhood.
Tron actually had the most impact on me that year. I was just absolutely amazed by it. I was completely into video games and the idea of jumping into one was a fantasy. Before Tron, I only cared about the Star Wars universe and Indy.
Poltergeist scared the ever-loving crap out of me, and haunted my nights for over a year. Who lets a seven year old watch that movie?!? The thing under the stairs in Creepshow was also pretty terrifying. I was much relieved when Stephen King’s segment came on and the silly guy got green moss all over him.
I remember seeing the Road Warrior and thinking it was a really dirty movie. I couldn’t believe I was watching it at the time. Terminator must have been around that time, because I felt the same way about it. Just nasty stuff.
I am also embarrassed to admit that I much preferred Beastmaster over Conan at that age. Come one, Conan didn’t have any crafty ferrets. A distinct disadvantage!
Nice post Dale!
I, too, was too young to DM. And honestly, when I tried to wrap my brain around it later, I was never able. Math and percentile tables just don’t agree with me.
I was 8, I guess. I just know I watched a lot of television, rode my banana seat bike, learned how to roller skate, and had hair down to my butt. I remember watching Solid Gold, Three’s Company, and I think Cheers started around then, but I can’t remember. For an 8 year old, I got to watch television I don’t know that I would let my child watch at that age. Maybe, but I don’t know.
Oh man I forgot about Cat People – I loved that movie. Blade Runner has one of my all time favorite lines, “I want MORE LIFE, F*&%$r!” Me too, Roy.
Agree: Roy had the best line. ; )
I graduated high school in 19-freaking-82! but I can relate to most of what you said. Star Wars, Indiana Jones and Rambo were and still are movies I can watch over and over. I had stopped playing D&D by then, but only by a year or two and Mazes and Monsters still grabs my attention when I can find it.
1982 was a great year!
High school. I’m a classical music and opera dork, so for me, the music of the early 80s will forever be encapsulated by none other than Journey, also known as Enrico Caruso singing Billie Holiday covers while the Rolling Stones play Brahms. GOD, I love that stuff.
When was “The Last Starfighter” out? And that cheese-tastic “Flash Gordon?” God, that thing was awful …
Flash Gordon was ’80 and Starfighter was ’84. I love ’em both! Flash was bad… but it was aiming at monumental camp, and had an awesome score by Queen, so I forgive it.
Great post, Dale! I was 11 years old in 1982 and remember (and love) everything you mentioned here. Thanks for taking me down memory lane. Those were great times and, like you, I’m starting to feel pretty old. Would someone invent time travel already? I’m dying to go back there! LOL
I wasn’t alive yet! 🙂 Although, some of these titles are still familiar. (I was born 7 years later) Congrats on Freshly Pressed!
It was the year after after I graduated from high school. Attending college, and about to start my first career as a bartender in the family biz. It was a wonderful time with great music and movies and I was just getting started…
Kudos on the Iron Maiden mention. One of the classic hard rock albums!
In 1982, I was unfortunately, and through no fault of my own, under the prescribed belief that D&D was INDEED demonic – I prayed for the souls of geeky boys while listening to Amy Grant & Michael W.Smith & The Carebears record while being banned by my parents from ALL of the movies listed above. I deeply regret my wholesale belief in the parental/religious brainwashing and have done some serious pop-culture homework in the meantime.
Great post! It takes me back to an entirely different side of 1982
People used to ask my mom why she let us play D&D, and her response was, “At least then, they’re sitting right in my dining room and I know what they’re doing. There’s no telling what might happen if I let them out the door!” ; )
l was in in L.A.Hollywood Bowl,celebrating Motzart’s birthday.Fantastic post about nostalgia..
Excellent post. I love all of the 80’s. 1982 was my first adventure cross country on a two week vacation that introduced me to country music, Mr. Pibb and Juice Newton. I don’t know if we even had a TV that year (parents would save money to buy new ones when old would die), but I can guarantee you that if we did have one it was black & white, no cable and a channel knob my mother would turn to a fuzzy station and then take with her on her errands so we couldn’t watch TV. lol My parents never bought a color TV until all of us kids were out of the house in 1988! Some great memories.Congrats on being Freshly Pressed.
How did you get inside my memoir?!?!?
Okay, I was ten and had cable: HBO, no less. Coal Miner’s Daughter! The Warriors! Scarface! But otherwise, we are the same. Can’t wait to read more…
Very well done. Nice post. In ’82 I was only 12 years old… just starting secondary school and feeling all grown up. To be honest, back then I felt older and wiser than I think I am today… I had more opinions…. which over the years have really mellowed. Well done!
I wasent even born 😀 until a decade 😀
but I am the kind of person who lives more in the past and is whining about the present 😛
NOSTALGIA KILLS 😦
It’s true, nostalgia can kill (since the past is not always as awesome as we remember it to be). But every now and then, we’re all entitled to a little indulgence, neh?
yeah… we forget all the rough times and remember it to be the perfect time which can never come back 😛 Not true though.. I know.. still I like my past more 😀
Wow, so many memories. I was eight years old then and remember Masters of the Universe being the best thing in the, well, universe. ET, Tron… what a great read, thanks for the memories!
I arrived in this world in late 1982 to a father who adored pop culture. He sponsored an after school trip (he taught elementary school) to see Star Wars for crying out loud. My parents to this day remind me how much I resembled ET at birth. Me, your only offspring, your new infant looked like a homeless ans sickly alien? Thanks. This is what movie references of 1982 mean for me.
A field trip to see Star Wars?!?! Holy cow!!! Jealous!!!
My mom gave me one of my most enduring memories when, on the Friday after Return of the Jedi opened in 1983, she picked up both my brother and I early from school (she hadn’t told us we were leaving early) and took us to the theater. It’s a small thing, but getting out of school early just to go to a movie–man, I felt like I’d won the lottery!
Nice look back at a year I’ve thought little of since, well, 1983. I was 13 and in 8th grade, and remember clearly every reference you’ve alluded to here!
I was born in 82! Meaning I really didn’t get much out of anything going on. 😀
I was sitting with my BFF in the backroom of her parents house, counting the years until we would be Teens (with a capital T), listening to The Police – Ghost in the Machine & Zenyatta Mondatta – time & time again.
What happened to the days when we were obsessed with the *lyrics*? When there was a hidden meaning in every song? And if there wasn’t, we played the songs backwards to find some other cryptic message?
Nice post, brings back great memories.
In utero, fixin’ to download.
I was a one-year-old in 1982!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sadly, I still wasn’t alive in ’82. However, your post makes me feel like I did live through the 80’s! Thank you for a wonderful, insightful, nostalgic, post. I also posted about nostalgia in my blog, however from a different point of view, since nostalgia is such a broad topic and can be applied to nearly everything! Well, you’re welcome to check it out: http://innamazing.wordpress.com/2012/07/16/vintage-russia/
Where was I? Head-bangin’…everywhere. 🙂 Congrats on being FP’d.
It might have been a decade before I was even talking, but pretty much all of these things still exist! D&D, Star Wars geeks etc – still alive and fully vibrant. 30 years is a long time, but well… it seems you’ve chosen quite a timeless lapse!
I’m not born yet, I miss the train by 10 years. Enjoy your post though. 😛
My first and only son was born. I sure remember it was a wonderful year.
I was born that year =)
I haven’t the foggiest what I did when I was seven (which is much further back in time than for you) but I do remember 1982! At the end of it I was dancing away in my apartment, heartbroken, to Thriller and I was on the eve of a major journey (but didn’t know it yet). The following year I immigrated to one of the 53 countries on the African continent, way down south: South Africa. Radical, man!
I visited South Africa back in 2001 and absolutely loved it! I still get a craving for Nando’s Chicken from time to time… and while I’m not sure what part of SA you’re in, I remember Cape Town as being one of the most beautiful cities (in terms of landscape and location) that I’ve ever seen.
I’m your brother’s age, so I remember the 80s well. And I’m also a “metalhead” and, as you said, many great metal albums came out in 1982 and 83.
But Ozzy’s last name is spelled “Osbourne”.
Great post though (that’s why it’s Freshly Pressed).
I have a blog about Tokyo … please visit!
Many thanks for catching the typo. My proofreading–which is me–will be beaten soundly. ; )
Born in 1982…love the eighties
I was in LA in 1982 and in high school – going from a junior to a senior. I drove on the freeways of LA for the first time. My favorite radio station was KROQ. I was taking the SAT both spring and fall and was filling up my college applications, eventually getting into UCLA. This was the year before one of my favorite years of all time, 1983. It was a coming of age.
What a good memory for all of the 1982 events! I loved Thundarr (and the “Great Space Coaster”) but we were still one year away from the Dungeons and Dragons cartoon and Inspector Gadget. My favorite song was “Freeze Frame” in 1982 (I do realize it was released in 1981) and I loved Star Wars of course. Nickelodeon shared a channel with “A&E” and if you kept watching the channel after Nickelodeon signed off, you might be treated to some partial nudity. Sigh….those were the days. Here is the old Nickelodeon sign off.
congrats on being FP!
’82 was about 7 years before i came around but thanks to good ol’ internet I can still relate to some of the awesomeness of the year in question. Great post!
In ’82, I was not conceived yet, so I cannot provide you my insight 🙂 I really enjoyed your blog – keep up the good work. I will make sure to visit your page more often. Please visit http://www.mynutritioninsight.com for information and disease prevention and healthy food and drink recipes.
Half the year I was in the womb and the other half I was probably crying and sleeping a lot.
Some of the movies and shows you mentioned do sound familiar and maybe I even watched some of it (like GI Joe) in my very early years.
I’m nostalgic for the 90s! 🙂
i was born in ’82!
Ohhhh I was 2 yrs old back then 😀 The movies you mentioned sound so familiar and I bet I watched some of them too.
In 82 I was stressed out of my mind working in aircraft maintenance, and trying to keep a family fed with a roof over our head.
Far too much stress for too long.
I eventually dropped the stress and took up cartooning (see my blog), and only wish I had done it sooner.
Life should be more fun !!!
I was 16 in ’82, OHH to be 16 again…………. 🙂
i still felt nostalgic even though i was born in ’90.
Great post. ’82? Being somewhat older than yourself I was busy dodging bullets in the South Atlantic.
Great flashback to a fun time! I was your brothers age in ’82, and the main focus of my life was BMX racing and everything BMX. My Redline Proline 2 and my friends enjoying being kids – something I don’t know if kids these days still get to do – Carving dirt tracks into remote flatland sections of Golden Gate Park in San Francisco – only to be ruined by horse enthusiasts and rebuilt by us, then rinse and repeat until we found a better pace to build them.
Tales of the Brass Monkey! WOW!! I totally loved that show – how long did it last? Like 3 or 4 episodes, it was there, it was gone, sigh.
Thanks for the nice trip back to a simpler day and age, it is always nice to visit your childhood on a lazy Saturday afternoon.